You know it’s something that you should do. But it seems like a very difficult thing to discuss, and you may be tempted to put it off. Talk about throwing cold water on a romance – seems like that might be a good possibility. But here are some ideas if you are considering taking the plunge.

Have a conversation instead of issuing demands.

“Let’s talk about getting a prenup,” is very different from “we’re getting a prenup.” Like anything else, talking about your future together shouldn’t be one-sided — your intended also gets a say. Try not to react or formulate a response until your partner is finished, so that when you do respond, it gives the impression that you are trying to understand his or her position.

Be upfront about your reasons and fears.

This is a great time for “I” statements. Consider conversational topics for couples exploring the idea of a prenuptial agreement. These include statements such as “It is important I do not feel exploited financially,” “I am worried that I will be financially disadvantaged if this marriage does not last,” and “It is important for me to keep my financial independence.” If you have a concern about your financial future together, now is a great time to surface it.

The reality is that when people feel safe, they will listen to almost anything — especially if they trust your motives. If your partner believes that you are trying to push them into something for your own exclusive benefit, or into a settlement that they don’t feel comfortable with, your partner will quickly tune you out.

Try not to get worked up.

Not everyone will take this conversation in stride. If you can remain calm — and hopefully allow your partner to remain calm, as well — your conversation will be much smoother. The greater the emotional extreme, the less people hear, regardless of the emotion. It is futile to attempt to reason with an angry person.

Really listen, and ask questions.

If things do get heated, try and understand why it’s going down that path by asking questions about your partner’s objections, concerns, or beliefs. Allow a partner to finish speaking and then ask if she or he has anything else to add. If you speak before the other is finished, your words will be automatically filtered out. Fifty-one percent of the human brain is dedicated to visual referencing, so how you appear to listen — with your body language, eye contact, and posture — counts very much.

Consider trying again later.

If your discussion is evolving into a fight, you might want to take a breather and try to talk again later. When the conversation brings up some negative feelings and behavior, it should be terminated with a plan to reschedule.

Ty Zdravko practices law as a divorce attorney, and family law attorney in Palm Harbor, Clearwater and the surrounding area.

For more information, visit our website at www.divorceboardcertified.com
or call (727) 787-5919.