You know it’s something that you should do. But it seems like a very difficult thing to discuss, and you may be tempted to put it off. Talk about throwing cold water on a romance – seems like that might be a good possibility. But here are some ideas if you are considering taking the plunge.

Have a conversation instead of issuing demands.

“Let’s talk about getting a prenup,” is very different from “we’re getting a prenup.” Like anything else, talking about your future together shouldn’t be one-sided — your intended also gets a say. Try not to react or formulate a response until your partner is finished, so that when you do respond, it gives the impression that you are trying to understand his or her position.

Be upfront about your reasons and fears.

This is a great time for “I” statements. Consider conversational topics for couples exploring the idea of a prenuptial agreement. These include statements such as “It is important I do not feel exploited financially,” “I am worried that I will be financially disadvantaged if this marriage does not last,” and “It is important for me to keep my financial independence.” If you have a concern about your financial future together, now is a great time to surface it.

The reality is that when people feel safe, they will listen to almost anything — especially if they trust your motives. If your partner believes that you are trying to push them into something for your own exclusive benefit, or into a settlement that they don’t feel comfortable with, your partner will quickly tune you out.

Try not to get worked up.

Not everyone will take this conversation in stride. If you can remain calm — and hopefully allow your partner to remain calm, as well — your conversation will be much smoother. The greater the emotional extreme, the less people hear, regardless of the emotion. It is futile to attempt to reason with an angry person.

Really listen, and ask questions.

If things do get heated, try and understand why it’s going down that path by asking questions about your partner’s objections, concerns, or beliefs. Allow a partner to finish speaking and then ask if she or he has anything else to add. If you speak before the other is finished, your words will be automatically filtered out. Fifty-one percent of the human brain is dedicated to visual referencing, so how you appear to listen — with your body language, eye contact, and posture — counts very much.

Consider trying again later.

If your discussion is evolving into a fight, you might want to take a breather and try to talk again later. When the conversation brings up some negative feelings and behavior, it should be terminated with a plan to reschedule.

Ty Zdravko practices law as a divorce attorney, and family law attorney in Palm Harbor, Clearwater and the surrounding area.

For more information, visit our website at www.divorceboardcertified.com
or call (727) 787-5919.

Going through a divorce can be one of the most stressful of times. You do get through it – and there are some things that you can do to help cope with the stress.

Know Your Environment

Make sure you are surrounding yourself with positivity and support. That includes everything from your physical living space to the company you keep. If you are surrounded by negative reminders of your past, then it might be best to remove those reminders in order to move forward. Sometimes even just rearranging the furniture in the home you once shared can bring a bit of new life into it, helping it feel more like your own.

Invest in Yourself

Take up a new hobby or pick up an old interest you let fall to the wayside. Invest your time and energy in something that makes you happy and gives you focus. It doesn’t need to be productive and it should not serve the interests of anyone but yourself.

Exercise

The endorphins your body produces while exercising can go a long way to brighten your mood. Not only can exercising give you more energy and lift your spirits, it can also be a safe way to channel any anger or aggression you may be feeling. Sign up for a cycling class, join a kickboxing gym, or even a yoga studio. Or, just go for an evening walk to clear your head, get your body moving and make time for yourself. This can also be a way to connect with and receive support from friends and family if you do it together.

Take Responsibility

It takes two to tango, as the saying goes, and in most divorces, the responsibility rests with both parties. This is not always the case, but either way, it is healthy to take an honest look at your marriage and the issues that led to your divorce. It can be easy to get wrapped up in your anger and to blame your spouse for the end of the relationship, but shouldering some of the responsibility can be healthy.

Acknowledge what went wrong and be honest with yourself about what you may have done to contribute to it. Now, that isn’t to say you should blame yourself. Rather, be sensitive to what the divorce looks like from the other end, and it could give you some perspective and make the rest of the divorce process a bit easier to bear.

Talk About It

Do not let your feelings stay bottled up. It is okay to feel what you are feeling. For many people, dealing with a divorce can be very similar to the grieving process. The life you had planned with your spouse is ending, and even if it is for the best, it is okay to feel sad about it.

What is important is that you talk about what you are going through, be it good, bad, or ugly. Express your concerns, fears, anger, or whatever else you are feeling. Turn to your best friends, your closest family members, or even consider a professional. Sometimes going to a therapist can be a great way to unload your feelings and get perspective without succumbing to pressure from friends or loved ones.

Ty Zdravko practices law as a divorce attorney, and family law attorney in Palm Harbor, Clearwater and the surrounding area.

For more information, visit our website at www.divorceboardcertified.com
or call (727) 787-5919.

Divorce changes everything. If this is your first Christmas since your divorce, it’s going to be different. Here are some things you can do.

1. Plan Ahead

Make a detailed holiday plan with your ex as far in advance as possible. Plot everything out on a calendar, including transfer times and who will be providing transportation. This will reduce any last minute negotiation, bickering, or disagreements, so that transfer can go smoothly. Kids pick up on a lot of tension at transfers and will enjoy their holidays much more if things are as calm as possible. It will also make your life much easier to know what the schedule is to the minute.

2. Go Shopping

When you got divorced you thought your days of shopping for your ex were over, but your child would probably like to be able to give the other parent a gift. If you can facilitate this, by helping your child shop for an inexpensive gift, or by helping your child make a card or gift, you’ll add to your child’s holiday experience.

3. Pick up the Phone

If your child is with you for a holiday, have him call the other parent. This helps your child stay connected and is also, frankly, just the right thing to do. Even if your court order does not require phone contact on holidays, this can help your child feel more comfortable.

4. Go with a Gag Order

Agree with your ex that you will not discuss anything other than the business at hand when you’re exchanging your child over the holidays. If there are things to be discussed about child support, alimony, future schedule changes, or issues you have with each other’s behavior, table them for a time when your child is not around. A holiday celebration that is preceded by parents arguing is not very joyous.

5. Over-schedule Yourself

If you won’t have your child with you for a holiday, it will likely be hard for you. It’s ok to feel sad, but you can stay busy enough to distract yourself. Go to parties and events so you will have something to do. Don’t give yourself time to let sadness overcome you. Focus on how you will celebrate the next time you are together with your child.

6. Schedule Meals

A kid who is overfed is often cranky. And the same goes for a hungry child. The holidays are a time of great celebration, but it’s also a time of year when people eat the weirdest things at the craziest hours… Dinner at noon, sandwiches at 11 pm, Chinese food at midnight? Whatever your family’s plans are, try to coordinate with your ex when your child will be eating next so that you don’t send a stuffed child to the other grandma’s Thanksgiving table or hand over a hungry kid at 6 pm who won’t be fed again until 8 pm.

7. The Greatest Gift of All

With young kids, the greatest gift of all is a nap. It’s a gift you give yourself, your child, your ex, and all the family who will be around your child. It’s very, very hard to stay on schedule at this time of year, but try your best to get a nap in at naptime for your child. It might mean going a little late to a family party or leaving a little early, but it will be well worth it. Keep naptime in mind when you are scheduling holiday transfer times and schedule well around it whenever possible. With older kids, downtime is important. Think how tired you are after going to your own family’s events; then imagine you are your child who is going to yours and going to your ex’s as well.

8. Lower Your Expectations

It is too easy to build up the importance of a holiday, so that anything short of a magical winter wonderland event will fall short. If you spend weeks fixating on how perfect you can make it, the big day will not measure up. It’s fun to look forward to the holidays. But don’t let it take over your life, or your child’s.

9. More Is Not More

More gifts, more candy, more decorations, more celebrations will not heal your heart or your child’s. A gift may distract your child for a while, but it can’t change the situation. Resist the temptation to shower your child with gifts to try to make up for the divorce. If possible, talk with your ex about gift-giving so that it does not become a competition between the two of you.

10. Embrace Tradition

It’s common for kids to want things to be exactly the same as they remember them, but in your family nothing can ever be exactly the same. Instead, you can take old traditions and fit them into your life in a new way. Keep things that are familiar and beloved, but build on them in new ways so that you can gradually create new traditions for your new family.

Ty Zdravko practices law as a divorce attorney, and family law attorney in Palm Harbor, Clearwater and the surrounding area.

For more information, visit our website at www.divorceboardcertified.com
or call (727) 787-5919.

If you have kids and are going to go though a divorce, the number one question is how are we going to handle custody arrangements. Actually, there is no such term as “custody” in the Florida Statutes nor is there a primary or secondary residential parent designation in the Florida Statutes. In Florida, both parents have “time-sharing” with their children. The court will order a time-sharing schedule that is in the best interests of the children taking into consideration factors enumerated in Florida statutes.

Again, in Florida, there is no such legal concept as “custody” of children. Terms that reflect the type of time-sharing schedule include “majority time-sharing” and equal time-sharing.”

If both parents enjoy equal time-sharing, then child support is still calculated using the Child Support Guidelines Worksheet, which is dependent on the parties income, percentage time-sharing (only overnights are used for purposes of establishing the percentages), health insurance, and costs of daycare and uncovered medical expenses. As the payor’s percentage of time-sharing increases, the less he or she will pay in child support generally.

A common misconception is that a parent can refuse to allow visitation if child support is not paid. This is not true. Time-sharing and child support are treated separate and apart from each other by the Florida courts except as it relates to calculating child support.

One of the many factors the court considers when ordering a parenting plan is, “the reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.”

A new law in Florida relating to members of the military states that if a parent is activated, deployed, or temporarily assigned to military service on orders in excess of 90 days, the parent may designate a family member, a stepparent, or a relative of the child by marriage to engage in time-sharing on the parent’s behalf. So if the parent in the military designates a grandparent to time-share in his or her stead, the court would enforce such a designation. The Florida Supreme Court has consistently held all statutes that have attempted to compel visitation or custody with a grandparent based solely on the best interest of the child standard to be unconstitutional.

A parenting plan is a document, or information included in a settlement agreement, that outlines how the parents will parent their children following a dissolution of marriage. Such provisions include, but are not limited to, the time-sharing schedule, holiday time-sharing schedule, provisions for extra-curricular activities, education, child care, contact between the parents, contact between the children and parents, and out-of-state (or country) travel. In every action for paternity or dissolution of marriage in which there are common children, the court will establish a parenting plan.

Ty Zdravko practices law as a divorce attorney, and family law attorney in Palm Harbor, Clearwater and the surrounding area.

For more information, visit our website at www.divorceboardcertified.com
or call (727) 787-5919.